


Notes of Love

by heartunderfire



Category: Astrid et Raphaëlle (TV)
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, Mutually Unrequited, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26092453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartunderfire/pseuds/heartunderfire
Summary: Astrid and Raphaëlle try to stay away from each other, but there is an invisible string tying them together, bringing them closer than before.
Relationships: Astrid Nielsen/Raphaëlle Coste
Comments: 32
Kudos: 46





	1. Cello Suite No. 1 in G major, BWV 1007

**Author's Note:**

> Astrid et Raphaëlle was my comfort show during the most painful month of my life. It then became more than a comfort show, because here I am, posting this. I want to thank my friends for offering their support (you know who you are). All the mistakes are mine and I hope I at least got the characterization right. I tried to be respectful regarding all aspects of this story, but if there is something bothering you, do let me know and I'll try my best to fix it.

The subject of romantic relationships came up many times in the past few months. One too many times for Astrid’s liking. It began with Mr. Frédéric, the forensic technician asking her out. His proposition caught the woman off guard, and she had to go to her friend William for help. He gifted her a book that was meant to guide her through an aspect of life she had not had time or reason to consider before.

The book proved to be immensely helpful to the documentalist. She was able to determine the nature of her feelings for Mr. Frédéric by following a few objective tests. She easily concluded that she did not feel the same way and planned what she was going to say to him the following day. As she later confessed to Raphaëlle, she felt she was not too harsh with the man and was quite proud of the way she handled things.

Although the situation with Mr. Frédéric was resolved quickly, soon Astrid was confronted with another dilemma. On the same day she had to let down the forensic technician, Raphaëlle wanted to know if she ever had feelings that went beyond the professional framework. Astrid avoided the awkwardness somehow and managed to come up with a safe answer. She then asked her to come inside her apartment, an impulsive decision that took even her by surprise. Hours after the commander left, she was in the same state of confusion. Her friend knew she had always been a documentalist who did not interact with her co-workers unless it was necessary. Why did she bring up that subject? Was Raphaëlle perhaps referring to the present? And in that case, was she trying to find out if Astrid was in love with her? Such questions kept her up that night, but in the morning, she decided she would rather not know the answers. Raphaëlle was her dearest friend, she could not be wanting more from her. No, it was an innocent question among friends, and she had to let go of the uncertainty for her own good.

The period that followed was difficult for Astrid. She watched her tutor be murdered, she was kidnapped, and then she had to get used to her new legal status. The healing was not an easy process and she discovered that her old coping mechanisms were not as effective as she needed them to be. But she had Raphaëlle, who was there for her through it all and she could not have been more thankful she came into her life and made everything better with her simple presence.

When peace was restored, Astrid was able to fully enjoy the time spent in the company of Raphaëlle and her son, Théo. They were the only family she needed, and she deeply cared for them. The only issue was that the more time she spent with Raphaëlle, the more she began to feel a sort of anxiety she could not describe. It was not unpleasant, yet she struggled to fall asleep because of it.

Raphaëlle was still single, or so she claimed. Astrid eventually found the courage to ask her more about her private life and the commander did not seem to mind. She found out that day that some people do not always look for romance when they pursue other people. Raphaëlle confessed she needed a distraction from time to time. Astrid decided she had learned enough and refocused her attention on the game of chess they were playing. Surprisingly, Raphaëlle won.

Astrid was giving up her moments of solitude more often now and without second thoughts. In fact, she realized she liked the company of certain people better than being alone. That was because, with Raphaëlle and Théo, she did not have to pretend to be someone she could never be.

But soon things changed, as they always did. Raphaëlle was not inviting her over as frequently anymore, nor did she text her late at night to discuss cases. Astrid could not help but feel hurt by this sudden shift and she began to involuntarily analyze her friend’s behavior. She was afraid she had hurt her unintentionally, but there was no sign pointing to that. Moreover, Raphaëlle seemed happier and calmer than before. The mystery was solved when on a Monday she had to cancel their dinner because she had a date that could not be postponed. Astrid skipped dinner altogether that day.

The documentalist had to accept that Raphaëlle was definitely in a committed relationship now, so it was normal for someone in her situation to prioritize their partner over their friends. But it did not make things easier. The time she spent in Raphaëlle’s company brought her an immense sense of fulfillment. It was everything her heart desired and she had hoped she was not alone in feeling that way. But she had to remind herself that neurotypical people operated differently. She recalled how crowded the place had been on Raphaëlle’s birthday. She was surrounded by friends when Astrid only had Raphaëlle.

But non-neurotypical people could find love, too, William was the best example. It was her right to try to find it, too. It could not be harder than the previous hardships she conquered.

While Raphaëlle was away on weekend trips, Astrid was doing intensive research. She could not yet share what she was planning to do but hoped she would have someone to confide in during the process. Raphaëlle was experienced, she would know what to do if things went beyond her comfort zone. But would she be able to open up to her friend?

One uneventful day, after finishing her tasks, Astrid decided she was ready to begin her quest for a potential partner. She remembered William mention a forum where autistic people could interact. Creating a profile appeared to be an easy process until she was asked to specify her sexual orientation. She had read plenty of articles on this topic, but never once did she stop to ask herself who she was attracted to. Astrid refused to decide on the spot. Since she only wanted someone to talk to at first, under the “Interested in…” line, she chose to select the box that said, “Not specified”.

Astrid spent hours scrolling through topics that fascinated her. She stopped when she found one reserved for classical music. There she saw two members of the forum debating who was the best composer of all time. Astrid "liked" the comment of the user who claimed that Johann Sebastian Bach was undeniably the best, because of his complex understanding of human nature. It felt like a good start.

Astrid's interaction was quickly followed by a message from the user who shared the same musical values. "Cellosuiteno.1" was their pseudonym. They skipped the introductions and went straight to discussing music.

Perhaps Astrid from before would have been thrilled to talk to “Cellosuiteno.1". Even though they were nice enough and shared her passion, she could not help but think of Raphaëlle when she introduced her to the world of Bach. Watching her discover the music she grew up with almost brought her to tears. Raphaëlle always tried to get to know her, to get close to her. And Astrid realized then that maybe Raphaëlle did love her and wanted to know if she felt the same way that day. But now it was too late.

She could not have Raphaëlle. "Cellosuiteno.1" would have to do.


	2. L’Art de la fugue, BWV 1080

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm back with a new chapter. This one was written from Raphaëlle's pov and the events take place a few days after Astrid started talking to Cellosuiteno.1. I hope the timeline is not too confusing.
> 
> I want to thank my friend and beta reader tellme2theriver for her constant support. She was there when this story was just a draft in my phone's notes.  
> A big thank you to 4AlarmFirecracker as well, for her enthusiasm and for her ideas. The dress that Raph is wearing was found by her and we'll get back to it later. 
> 
> P.S. Don't hate me (or Raph) too much after this chapter, for life is messy and feelings are complicated sometimes.

Raphaëlle placed the dishes in the sink and sighed, her back turned to the man currently drinking wine and occupying a seat at her kitchen table. She wanted nothing more than to see him leave and spend the rest of the evening alone with her thoughts.

She had started going out with Andre a few months ago. They met at a party and hit it off right away. He was charismatic and funny and she felt at ease in his presence. In the beginning, that was enough, and Raphaëlle was convinced she would fall in love with him eventually. But the thrill expired soon enough. She was aware that had nothing to do with Andre.

The commander had a deep understanding of human emotions, yet when it came to her own, she felt lost. Perhaps it hadn’t always been like this, but when she met a certain documentalist, her life took an interesting twist. And she hadn’t been the same person since.

Every aspect of her life had changed because of Astrid. With the documentalist by her side, cases were solved more efficiently. She was constantly challenged and that made her fall in love with her profession again. As for her personal life, she longed to have Astrid near her more often. Some nights when she was alone in her apartment, she even dared to imagine how it would feel like to have her there constantly. But Raphaëlle was aware that picture could only exist in her imagination.

Meeting Andre allowed her to take a break from longing. The sex was great, but the satisfaction didn’t last long. She understood then that she craved a different kind of intimacy that didn’t involve taking off her clothes. Sadly, one was more achievable than the other.

He was a good man and maybe if she had met him a year ago, things would have been different. However, she was not ready to give up what she had. With work getting increasingly busy, she had an excuse to see him less often. But that couldn't go on forever.

The commander had already postponed three dates when Andre invited her to a restaurant on a Monday to celebrate his birthday. But Mondays were hers and Astrid’s, how could she let her down? Because she was aware that choosing him was her last chance at saving the relationship, she decided to be honest with Astrid and take a risk. She felt guilty for days and spent Andre’s birthday dinner resenting her decision.

And now here she was, recalling that dreadful Monday. Raphaëlle wished she had been braver. She turned to Andre, ready to come up with an excuse that would make him understand she did not wish for him to spend the night when he said,

“Raph, you’ve been distracted today. Is everything alright?”

She tried to find her words. It was now or never. “Not really. You see, I’m very behind with this investigation and it’s all I can think about. I’m sorry.” In reality, the investigation was going smoothly and they were just a few clues away from solving the case. 

Andre placed the empty glass on the table and sat up. “It’s late anyway, I should leave. See you soon?”

Raphaëlle hesitated, but she knew she needed to set him and herself free. “Andre, I've been thinking about this for a while and I think it would be best if we stopped seeing each other. I enjoy spending time with you, but you deserve better and right now, that's all I can offer.”

Andre shook his head with disbelief. Then he quickly recomposed himself. “I suppose there is no need to try and change your mind. Have a nice life. I hope you get what you want.”

He prepared to leave and Raphaëlle watched him, the words stuck on her tongue. He would be gone within minutes. And she’d be alone like she wanted. So why was her anxiety increasing with every step he took towards the door?

Andre left, not once looking back. She said a silent goodnight, locked the door, and went to get her phone. Raphaëlle felt she was acting out of a selfish impulse, but was convinced she wouldn’t know peace unless she dialed the number.

“Commander Coste! Is everything alright?”

“Hello, William! Yes, everything is fine. I hope you weren’t asleep.” She cursed herself for calling so late, but he was the only one who could help.

“I’m actually working, how can I help you?”

“Has Astrid ever liked anyone?”

There was a pause on the other end of the line. “I find it strange you ask, she mentioned today that she was talking to someone on a forum for autistic people. You know, the same forum that allowed me to meet the love of my life. Perhaps you’ve already spoken about this. “

That hit Raphaëlle like a bullet. As unexpected as it was, it was a good thing, though. Astrid deserved to experience romance in her life and meeting someone who understood her completely would make things easier for her. But all this time, she thought Astrid was simply not interested in romantic relationships. How could she have been so oblivious? And why hadn’t she mentioned anything?

“No, I didn’t know,” Raphaëlle confessed with a hint of sadness in her voice.

“Well, I think she could use some help. She only texted me to ask about technical details. “

“I’ll see what I can do. Thank you, William!”

She heard him take a deep breath and waited. “I’ve known Astrid for a few years now and I’ve never seen her open up to anyone as she did with you. You asked me if she had ever liked anyone…I am certain she likes you.” 

Raphaëlle felt her eyes begin to fill with tears she was soon not able to stop. She was not sure whether William had understood her question or not, but the answer was exactly what she needed at that moment. She liked her, too, so much that she was ready to continue to pretend she wasn’t in love with her as well.

With the phone still in her hand, she returned to the kitchen, in need of something sweet to mend her broken heart. On the fridge, fixed between two of Théo’s magnets, stood the little piece of paper Astrid had given her. It had Bach’s motif from in his work, The Art of Fugue, which Astrid explained to her a while ago. That knowledge helped her catch up with Astrid’s discovery and find her. She then kept it as a reminder of Astrid’s brilliance. And perhaps because she wanted to have something as personal as the blonde’s writing in front of her eyes every day.

It was too late to call Astrid. She usually went to bed at 10 and it was past 11. Raphaëlle got her ice cream and went to sit on the couch, still clad in the black dress she wore for the date.

Raphaëlle didn’t even realize she had fallen asleep. Her phone buzzed once and she instantly opened her eyes, her head hurting from the uncomfortable position. She yawned and reached for the phone, hoping there wasn’t a work-related emergency.

There was a text from Astrid on the screen. So she wasn’t sleeping after all.

<< Raphaëlle, I hope this message doesn’t wake you up. I have something to show you. >>

Raphaëlle removed a few strands of hair that were stuck to her forehead and smiled. She didn’t mind being woken up at all. Not by her. Not ever.

**< < I’m awake :) >>**

<< I think I discovered who the murderer is. I would like you to see this.”

**< < It’s past midnight. It’s not safe for you to be outside. >>**

**< < I’ll come pick you up and we’ll go to the station together, ok? >>**

<< I’m in front of your building. Is it alright if I come inside?>>

Raphaëlle shook her head, still smiling. She disliked her walking the streets at night, but her surprise visits always put her in a good mood. It was more than alright, it was everything she needed.

**< < Yes. >>**

** << Come up. >>**


	3. Lute Suite in E minor, BWV 996

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled a little with this chapter after making some adjustments to my initial ideas. I know where I want the story to go, I just increased the slow-burn :')  
> I don't know how to insert a picture of "the dress" here, but if you have a discord, my @ is heartunderfire, message me and I'll show it to you.

Raphaëlle opened the door to welcome a tired, but rather enthusiastic Astrid. Her heart instantly filled with joy, but she had to keep her composure. She was hoping they would manage to go over Astrid’s research and close the case before sunrise and for that, she needed to put her heart on pause.

After greeting each other, Astrid stepped inside the apartment and the familiar scent of vanilla enveloped her. She noticed the dress the commander was wearing and looked away quickly, with blushed cheeks. The commander didn’t normally wear such dresses, so she quickly deduced that it must have been for a special occasion. It was hard to not stare, as she had never seen a piece of clothing hug one’s figure so perfectly. But Raphaëlle was perfect in every sense of the word and each encounter was just another bittersweet reminder for Astrid.

Raphaëlle cleared her voice to get Astrid’s attention. Her friend seemed to be lost in thought, which happened rather often, and she always found it endearing. She wished she had chosen to work together instead of seeing Andre. Feeling exhausted herself, she was not very eager to start talking about the case yet. She would have rather sat on the couch next to her and watch a movie until they fell asleep. That only happened once before. Théo had chosen the movie and neither of them got until the end. But Raphaëlle could not care less about the movie if Astrid were with her.

“So, what did you find out?” Raphaëlle inquired, breaking the silence at last.

Astrid signalled for her to wait and began removing her shoes and coat. When she was ready, she only nodded at Raphaëlle, who then led them to the kitchen.

There were two glasses on the table. One empty, the other half-full. Astrid felt her heart sunk in her chest. So that was the special occasion, a date with Andre. But he was kind to her and showed interest in her work. She genuinely hoped that it had been a nice date.

Raphaëlle silently cursed and placed the glasses in the sink. She had promised herself she would become a tidier person that would benefit both Astrid and herself, but she had trouble letting go of old ways. This time she had an excuse, she thought.

Astrid produced a stack of files from the backpack. She started going through every piece of evidence that she gathered in a single day.

“Astrid, this is incredible! We haven’t even considered him a suspect in the first place, and you managed to find out everything we needed to arrest him.”

The blonde looked down for a few seconds, beaming with pride. “So, do you really believe he was capable of such a thing?”

“Of course, that bastard. He had fallen in love with her during training and when she did not reciprocate, he saw no other way but to kill her. Poor woman.”

Astrid realised something. “This is our third love crime this month.”

Raphaëlle was quick to argue. “This is not love, Astrid.”

Astrid frowned. “He had placed a love note in the flowers that were sent to her address.”

“Sometimes insanity can look a lot like love and this is a perfect example. When you love someone and they do not love you back, you let them go and move on. Because their happiness means more than your own.” She had dealt with unrequited love before and acted accordingly, but with Astrid it was hard to follow the rules.

“Ah!” Astrid understood now. She was sure that what she felt for Raphaëlle was indeed true love. And the commander was right. Her only option was to continue to keep her distance. ”

I have just one curiosity. How did you manage to find out his flight information?”

The documentalist flinched. Raphaëlle was just as thorough as she was, she should have expected the question sooner or later. “I’m protecting the person who gave me this information. I’m sorry, Raphaëlle.”

Raphaëlle’s curiosity only increased. “Look at you, having sources in high places.”

“High places?”

The brunette smiled and prepared to explain. “In important places, that could be beneficial to you. I would still like to know, unofficially, if that’s alright.” She watched Astrid carefully. “But now I have to make a few phone calls. Would you like to drink or eat anything? It might take a while. ”

Astrid was relieved. Perhaps she could avoid the subject until later. “Water, please.”

Half an hour later, Raphaëlle returned to the kitchen. “We’re going to wait until he leaves his house to catch the plane. He will be under surveillance until then, which leaves us a few hours to kill. You can come with me or I can take you home.”

“Raphaëlle, I dislike it when you use these terms. It creates a very disturbing image in my head.”

The commander could not help but feel amused watching her serious face. Astrid was so precious when she criticised her. “Forgive me. Let me rephrase it then: we have a few hours. What would you like to do?”

Astrid smiled. Now, what would she choose? Go with her, of course. “I want to stay if you don’t mind. But it’s not Monday, it must feel strange to have me here for such a long time.”

Raphaëlle knew that if it were possible, her heart would burst right at that moment. Astrid worried so much and that was because she also cared so much. How could she convince her friend that she was always welcome in her home, regardless of day and time?

“It’s alright, I promise you. You were the one who solved the case, I think it will be satisfying to watch him leave in handcuffs.”

“It will be. Thank you, Raphaëlle.”

“Don’t mention it. You can go make yourself comfortable while I change into a more appropriate outfit,” Raphaëlle said, looking down at her slightly wrinkled dress. The team’s faces would drop if they saw her dressed like that.

“I will go sit on the couch and listen to my music,” Astrid announced and got up, taking one last glance at Raphaëlle’s dress.

...

When she returned and glanced towards the couch, Raphaëlle stopped in her tracks. There was Astrid, silently sleeping, occupying as little space as was physically possible. She had one hand behind her head and the other was holding the headset. Raphaëlle carefully took it away from her and placed it on the desk. The commander then brought a blanket and covered Astrid, who stirred a little, then she pulled the blanket closer. Raphaëlle watched her for several minutes, unable to move. There was nothing more peaceful in the world than watching the people you loved, lost in the land of dreams. 

Astrid slept for a few hours before she was gently woken up. She apologized for falling asleep and Raphaëlle assured her it was all fine. It was not the first time that happened. The truth was, she felt at home every time she was there. Perhaps it was the familiar environment or the fact that there was someone who made her feel completely at ease.

A little before 5 am, Raphaëlle and Astrid were waiting for the suspect to leave his apartment. The entire team was there, no one wanting to miss the moment justice would be made. The commander and the documentalist stood side by side, their hands only a few centimetres apart. There were protests from Nico, who was half-protective, half-jealous of Raphaëlle’s partner. But this is how they operated now. They were a team. And if Astrid were safe and comfortable with it, Raphaëlle would always want her by her side. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! If you liked it, kudos and comments are very appreciated :)


End file.
